Have you seen this? Seriously, it’s worth your time.

Heidi Grant Halvorson: The Incredible Benefits of a “Get Better” Mindset from 99U on Vimeo.

I stumbled across this video on the weekend and I have to say, it hit me in a not very nice place. There is a line very early on where Heidi says the Be Good mindset “… may be subconscious, just under the surface”. Ah… yeah… not in my case. I live in a constant BE GOOD mentality and up until last weekend, I was proud of it. In the year that I have been scrapbooking, I have accomplished SO much. I’ve been published, written articles for big name blogs and have earned my spot on some of the best CT teams. I can’t deny – I like to be the best, but with this admission I admit there is a downside. I am also very aware that this can drive me to get constant validation from outside sources such as Instagram, Facebook and other online forums. At times I find it difficult to balance time spent online for validation and inspiration, against the time I actually spend creating.

I do feel constant pressure to produce works of a high standard. I put pressure on myself to be innovative and original. I suffer shocking self-doubt and have been known to calculate the risk of failure for a project before it has even begun. A small margin of failure will often lead to a project being deemedย not worthy of my participation. Rarely do I consider what I might learn from such a project.

Following the horrors that befell me in January, I know I delayed my return to the creative world because I was worried that there would have to be a readjustment period and that it would take me a while to get back into the swing of things, and I wasn’t wrong.

I don’t handle interruptions well. The fact that the blog went quiet for the month of January is proof that I don’t adapt well to either internal and external circumstances. The truth is, while the Be Good mindset has taken me far, we may very well have come to the end of the road.

I have this friend,ย who was almost not my friend. Some time ago we both applied to the same CT call. I didn’t know her at all at that point, but when the announcement was made, I was a little shocked. We had both started around the same time. Our circumstances were almost identical and so I was curious to know what made her better than me. I’m not going to lie, I compared our work constantly for months, but over time I did come to realize that she was the better fit. If I’m brutally honest, Caylee has the Get Better mentality that I just don’t possess. Even though we both started at the same time, her skills have come to out strip mine 10 fold. I watch in awe as she publishes tutorial after tutorial. Caylee gives openly, where I on the other hand struggle to let go of my ideas. Here is the thing that really gets me though – Caylee didn’t have the greatest month either, but rather than fall apart, that girl just shined even brighter. Her blog and instagram went on just as it always did. She turned her frustration in to THE cutest bad day cards and she got herself up and pushed herself to an even better place.

All I can say is watch the video. Be more like Caylee and less like me. I know I sure as hell intend to be from this day forth.